The bedside clock read 4:30am. It was always at the same time, every day for the last two weeks, the same dream. She was trembling, from restrained emotions, and the sheer force of will it took to stop herself from dwelling on thoughts of him. It was a feat that was impossible. She could see him even in the darkness, lying by her side, exuding warmth and masculinity. She could feel his breath on her neck and his legs intertwined with hers. How could she escape such assault?
Christina groaned aloud and rolled over to the left side of her king sized bed. Her loins were burning, she needed release.
– You know what to do
No! her mind screamed. This was her cross to bear, and she was going to bear it gracefully. She had dedicated her body to the Lord, right from the age of twelve, when she had given her life to Christ while in her SS2. Since then, she had fought hard to resist all forms of temptation from the opposite sex.
She knelt down to pray. Prayer always helped.
“dear lord, please help me to bear this cross like a true soldier of Christ. I have dedicated myself to you and I intend to keep that promise till I get married. Please Lord, give me the strength to overcome”
She began to cry. She was losing the battle. Even as she closed her eyes in prayers, all she saw was his body, covered in sweat, lying on top of her; his eyes, glazed over with desire and longing boring into hers and her eyes looking into his as she savored the sensations assaulting her senses. It was so real, like watching a movie in high definition on a wide screen.
Her throat closed up. She couldn’t pray. She rocked on her heels and sobbed quietly. Her prayer life was in shambles too and she found that whenever she prayed nowadays, the words sounded hollow and she never felt that connection with God like she usually did.
She felt all alone. With each passing day, she could feel her resolve weakening. It was so hard trying to fight the feelings and urges. It left her drained at the end of each day and she hasn’t been able to concentrate much on anything else.
– Why are you fighting this? Wouldn’t it be better to let go? What is so bad about wanting someone? God will understand, after all, He created you, and He put the feelings there?
She was too tired to fight the thoughts, and she allowed them free rein. She had always been afraid that she would never like sex nor enjoy it. If any of these dreams and feelings she was having was anything to go by, she was sure she was going to become a nymphomaniac. Her desires were simply insatiable.
– God will surely have mercy on me. He is a loving Father, and he said that He will always welcome us with open arms whenever we stray and confess our sins.
– Christina, you know yourself. If you should go down this path, open this dam, then you are never going to look back. You will be drowned in your own storm.
– But everybody is doing it. Maybe I was too rash in the vow I made to God. I was just a teenager, and I knew nothing about love and desire. Perhaps God is going to overlook my folly in making such a hasty vow.
Her phone alarm beeped. It was 6:30am. It was time to start preparing for work. She wanted nothing more than to burrow under her bedcovers and ride out the tempest raging in her inner thighs. She clenched her buttocks tightly for a minute and released it, and clenched it again. It wasn’t working.
The alarm snoozed again. 6:40am. She should really hit the showers, she thought. She dreaded going to the bathroom on days like this; having to wash down there and resist the temptation for her fingers to just linger for a bit.
She stood up.
“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit” she mumbled and headed for the bathroom
She knew that the hardest part was having to work closely with him all day, feeling his body heat as they hurdle over the project they were working on, inhaling his scent, and seeing him smile.
– Oh Lord, the smile! She inhaled sharply. God help me!