Ocean Waves

My emotion roils like the waves of the ocean, rising and ebbing, lashing out on the shore and foaming at the mouth. There are days when all is calm, when the expanse of the water is blue-green and at those times, I am tempted to believe that I am over you. But not today.

Today, the emotions wash over me, submerging me and holding me under. I am thrashing about and gasping for breath, struggling to survive.

I dreamt about you today. When I woke up, all my body groaned in pain and I know the pain is deeper than sore muscles and aching joints. The pain is the sound of my heart as it shatters into a million pieces again.

I do not stand up from the bed, I simply lay down and allow the memories to play in front of my closed eyes. A motion picture of love, where you and I are the main characters.

I see you dressed in that beautiful chiffon flare gown, your face turned up and your eyes gazing into mine as you lunge forward and jump into my hands. I hear the moan, loud and pregnant with desire as you press your lips against mine. I feel the heat that washed over me as my body responded to you as I pulled you closer grounding my hips against yours. The echoes of your cry- as you arched your back and slumped against me spent- reverberated in the silence of my mind.

I see us, seated on the couch, your head on my shoulders, your fingers intertwined with mine as we watch a movie. I feel the stray hair of your head tickling my face, I hear your gentle purr as I stroked your hair.

I see the pout of your lips and the way you hug yourself as we disagreed over an issue. I hear the annoyance in your voice as you replied me through gritted teeth, and I feel the wave of desire that washed over me in that moment. I feel the loud beating of my heart as I watched you seethe and the ache in my heart as I realized how much I wanted you and loved you.

I still love you Omolayo, my joy and the light of my life. I will always love you. I miss you every moment of every day. I am surprised that I act all so put together when I am around you because it is a far cry from what goes on in my heart.

I cherish every moment we had together and even though you walked away, afraid of what people would say and a host of other reasons, I am grateful for the part of you that you shared with me.

It is hard to accept the loss today, but I know that for every turbulence, there comes a calm. So I will ride out this turbulent day, I will revel in the memories and the pain, and hope that tomorrow, there will be calm.

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15 Comments Add yours

  1. Yemie says:

    Wow! This is sooo TOTALLY ‘Aww’ and ‘Awe’ worthy! πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

    Its on very rare occasions like these, that a ‘one-worder’ oughta come in handy and simply just suffice; you know, like a ‘Speechless’, ‘Overwhelming’ or just simply….’Spellbinding’; but that would be absolutely outta character for me! That said, I find this masterpiece of a heart-feeling; extremely moving and beautifully composed highly poetic piece of prose; both compelling and breathtaking, wayyy far above and then again; sooo beyond ordinary words! I mean, this is Awesomeness, seriously; amazingly defined and wayyy too gloriously certified, a sheer stroke of genius! Of emotions, surreal and so so REAL! Can’t fake these, nuh-uh! Damn! πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜„

    Looking back and reminiscing on precious times spent with a great love, who will perhaps never be gotten over must be heart-wrenching and heart-shattering! πŸ’”

    I’ve neither walked nor traveled this road, I banish the thoughts; but the feelings so depicted and splayed on this page; are practically just leaping out and grabbing at me; seizing and tugging at my heart strings! Must be painful, this experience! πŸ˜”

    You more than brought this Doc, and I pray that He may who designed the heart, in His artistic magnificent and majestic glory; take the wheel and make these bone-crushing, blood-chilling and heart-breaking pain and hurt this Narrator soo intensely feels, to just disappear, go away! He’s able to create in us, a new; very clean heart! I pray He wipes the slate squeaky clean and give the Narrator a pretty and spanking new lease of life! πŸ˜‡

    Kudos Doc, I remain now and forever, absooooolutely awestruck! πŸ‘πŸ‘‰πŸ˜‰

    1. topazo says:

      Okay, it’s my turn for a one-liner
      Wow!

  2. Adeleke Julianah says:

    Wow Doc!
    You can never seem to amaze me with the way you bring out very depth of emotions in each post.
    Be it sadness or joy.
    Be it the feel of love or the feel of loneliness.
    Ha #Topaz! You’re a doctor of all emotions.
    And I can’t help but marvel at your brilliance.

    Sometimes people aren’t meant to stay forever.
    They only have a phase to share with us, and then they will be gone
    All we have to do is just hold on to the beautiful feelings they left in our hearts….

    Well done Doc, you did it again….

    1. topazo says:

      Thanks Jules…
      Why can’t love just be forever? The question of the century

      1. Adeleke Julianah says:

        Same question I been asking myself for so long.
        But I ain’t gonna settle for anything less than #ForeverLove!
        So I’m gonna wait for it, no matter how long it takes…

        1. topazo says:

          True love, when found, is always worth the wait…

  3. me says:

    One of the many things I love about writing is that you can hurt, and burn, and then write a story about it and somehow you’ll be a little fine.

    Memories haunt.

    And while they seem to tear us into shreds of nothingness with each recurring play of what was and the many could-a-been’s, I think in the end of it all, we are thankful that some people were once a part of our lives.

    Love is wonderful, and sometimes- more often than not, even- it harbours too much hurt; but we won’t stop loving, because we don’t wanna hurt, or make moments that will turn into nightmarish memories, no! If we can’t stop living because we fear death, we shouldn’t stop loving because we fear hurt. We must only just love, and make memories with those people that make our hearts smile.

    Wonderful piece Mr Topaz, and honestly, I would still love to do a piece with you. Thank you for the tag, as always!

    1. topazo says:

      Thanks Me. I share your sentiments, no matter how painful love can be, it is still worth it. And having those memories is as good as the pain they cause is bad…but then life with its many twists and turns…

      We should totally do a story together! It will be banging…so when do we start?!

      1. me says:

        Whenever you are ready Mr Topaz. Now is a good time as any. πŸ™‚

        1. topazo says:

          Oya na, I am ready….

  4. Walt Shakes says:

    There’s something I’ve come to see you do so well, Doc. You can bring the romantic feelings in the world of men and women to such startling life. I love this!

    1. topazo says:

      Thanks Walter, I appreciate your kind words…

  5. zikaolofin says:

    I felt everyone of the narrator’s pain. Difficult not to, really, considering how vividly they are expressed. In the wake of such beautiful love, it’s almost certain that we will wander backwards, to memoryville. But we must quickly snatch ourselves from it asap so we don’t end up being despondent

    1. topazo says:

      True words Zee. One can get lost in the delectables of memoryville and lose his/her way back to the present where there is hope, and get trapped in monuments….
      Thanks for stopping by

      1. zikaolofin says:

        😊Again, thanks for stopping by. I never waka go anywhere oπŸ˜…

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