Bleeding on a canvass

It is one of those nights when all your heart is all clogged up and thoughts move at a sluggish pace. Your mind is congested and you are listless. Lassitude takes hold of you and you can’t even pinpoint what exactly is causing your unease. All you know is that, you are not feeling well. It is not a bodily sickness or disease but a state of mind. You have no energy to do anything and yet you have tons of work to do!

It is one of those days that you need to let it all out, to bleed yourself on a canvass. You can see the image in your mind’s eye- taking hold of the brush and splattering the canvass with colours, bright and fiery. There is no pattern, just the hands working on their own accord, perhaps receiving inputs from the mind. Only the colors are not water colors or oil but your blood and the brush are your words being poured out on a page.

You are an artist of words. Your canvass is the pad or screen or any surface that can be written on. You want to spill your emotions on the page, to let your mind do the painting. Art has been considered a form of therapy and you are in desperate need of relief. If there was any time you needed therapy, it was now.

You sit in front of your screen and get set. You give your mind free rein and wait.

And wait

And wait

And nothing!

All you have are roiling emotions, and a blank page. For the first time, your mind betrays you. All you have are your words, and the meaning and clarity that they give you. But not tonight.

Tonight, you are alone.

Your words have failed you

And you can’t bear it

You bury your head deep in your palms and cry.

Tonight, all you have are your tears, and you welcome them as they flow freely down your cheeks, and as your body convulses with the sobs, you embrace them with open arms.

And through the sheen of tears, you find clarity. Your words come to you and wrap you in their arms and you revel in the warmth. You gasp, and smile through the tears. Then you giggle and wipe your eyes, and then laugh. You feel light and free.

It is going to be a good night after all…

bleeding canvass

image via google

 

featured image source here

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33 Comments Add yours

  1. fadehan says:

    I like this piece. It comes out to me, for me, and pours down into my heart. I’m happy to know it’s about YOU and not only ME.

    I feel thesame way too, I have been feeling this way for weeks now and it’s just going on and on… but now with the YOU usage in this piece, I’d better start painting.

    Thanks for taking the pain to put this up, boss. Respect!

    1. topazo says:

      oh Fade, start painting already…turn that frustration to art..bleed on a canvass!

      thanks for stopping by…that’s the beauty of the 2nd person narrative, it makes it so much real….deepens the emotions evoked

  2. Yemie says:

    This is such a heartwarming, pretty endearing and well concocted masterpiece of a writing! A very beautiful work of literature, heavily ladened with deep, very abstract and figurative literary tools and imageries! Yet, he’s supposedly a Doc, ei?! ‘Amazeball’! The ‘artsy’ abi absolute art-inclined Shrink! That smarts, again! Lol

    I went along this journey with the narrator seeking a therapeutic release! Through the struggles and battles he was up against and his victory as the moment of clarity set in, to unleash the raw creativity and ingenuity that were hitherto latent, just waiting for the right time to be birthed and to flow right through, with perfect ease! That’s some deep stuff Doc, Wow!

    Am sure many a creative minds can relate with this phenomenon, and you did an excellent job of capturing the state of mind of a lotta people! Brilliant choice of title and that first illustration’s an absolute gore! Yuck! The second, I totally love! Way to go Doc, am very impressed and totally done in! Carry on soaring! *laughing*

    1. topazo says:

      didn’t know you were squeamish Yemie…that first picture is a masterpiece! A resin covered painting done with menstrual blood…absolute genius!

      1. Yemie says:

        Eew! You nasty you! Puking time! Yuck! And just so you know, you DISGUST the crap outta me! How could you?! How?! Crazy guy! YUCK! LMAO!

        1. topazo says:

          *widegrin*
          chicken! what have you heard now that is nauseating you? or maybe na cockroach you don swallow….

          1. Yemie says:

            Why Doc, Chickens are known to delight very much in ‘Roach Gourmet’! Wow! You’re such a genius! You got that part so right, that am beyond bowled over! The Great Clairvoyant One! I pay homage to thee, Great One! *cowtowing*!

            Seriously Doc?! No kidding??? Hmph! *straight face*

            1. topazo says:

              Yes! Finally!
              like how many roaches did you swallow? 2? 3?

              1. Yemie says:

                Wouldn’t you wanna know! I’ll leave you to figure that part out! I mean, it’d be a great disservice to you, ‘The Great Clairvoyant One’, to just let up on such an info, don’t you think?! *Yinmu* Lol

      2. Adeleke Julianah says:

        Eewwwwww!!!!! #Doc! You dis Mischievous, always on the plan for mischief #Topazo!!!! Menstrual ginni??? Yuck truly Sis…*puking terribly* *smh*

        1. Yemie says:

          Finally!!! Someone gets it! Phew! Why can’t I get over the feeling that I’ve heard this bit before?! You know, like a deja vu??? On second thoughts, what dose it REALLY matter??? *tongue out* LMAO!

          Thanks jare Jules, glad you see the gore and the disgust for what it is in that horrible illustration! Afi bi ebo! LOL

          1. Adeleke Julianah says:

            In fact! Ebo lorita meta leleyii o! Kai #Doc…SMH

            1. topazo says:

              ara oko leyin mejeji…lol

            2. Yemie says:

              Hahahaha! As in eh! Ebo kanka ti n k’igun laya! Abi na how dem dey take talk am again sef?! LMAO!

          2. topazo says:

            this is a celebrated painting world over…and you two are busy eewing… kai! una no sabi art!

            1. Yemie says:

              If that’s art, then I don’t wanna be ‘artsy’! If I hang that ‘thing’ in my living room; I’d have a series of nightmares over and over again! Not mine idea of art, but I understand where you’re coming from being a Doc and all, that grisly sight will mighty appeal to thee! Creepy! Yuck! *laughing*

              And for the records, I aint no village lassie! Just so we’re mighty clear ’bout that! Suck on that Doc! LMAO!

              1. topazo says:

                Village lassie! that’s the word I’ve been looking for…such an apt description for you!

                1. Yemie says:

                  Whatever Doc, WHAT THA FREAKIN’ EVER! Quite! ROTFLMAO!

            2. Adeleke Julianah says:

              If this is art, I had rather be #Artless o! To wake up everyday and see menstrual blood on wall? Ewwwwwwwww….that’s just tooooooo grosssssss!

              1. topazo says:

                I give up trying to upgrade you two…it is a lost cause, I hand you over to St Jude

          3. Adeleke Julianah says:

            Bee gele ni won se npee o! Ebo’nke ebo kabiti! Epele o ara igboro ti nfi kini kan taa gbodo daruko ya aworan alarabara! O kare lai, mura si po! *moju teu* koda, mo tun *yinmu* gan paapaa.

            1. topazo says:

              oh goodness me! are you guys acting nollywood Yoruba movie ni? abeg go to ebinpejo lane to do that o…hehehehe

              1. Adeleke Julianah says:

                Well I’d rather act this out on your blog tho’, lols!!!!!

                1. topazo says:

                  No o…na Ebinpejo lane go better…

              2. Adeleke Julianah says:

                No o! Na here go better o, Ebinpejo too far jare. This place na short cut to acting! Hehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!

        2. topazo says:

          oh! so you were eavesdropping!!!
          serves you right! lol
          yeah, menstrual blood in all it’s glory…who says menstrual blood is a waste?!

          1. Adeleke Julianah says:

            Gross!!!!! *Taking a koboko getting ready for a chase*! If I catch u #Doc, ehn, if I just catch u! Kai!

  3. Adeleke Julianah says:

    This is very much how I feel yesterday and today! This feeling of having lots and lots to do yet lacking the Energy to carry them out. That lonely feeling that engulfs one making you feel all the weight on your shoulders. And then, that little ray of Light and Hope through glittering tears that shimmers in the dark. That feeling that just whispers to tell me that I’m not alone, that I can do it. Tho’ I got no canvas to bleed on, yet there’s this unspeakable energy that burst through me when I read this work of Art you put down in #WORDS. Once again #DocTopazo, your word is that glimmer of hope that helps me through a very dark tunnel. Whenever I’m the verge of giving in and giving up, you will just out of nowhere say the exact things I needed to hear to keep me pushing forward. You’re a #GodSent, an #ANGEL in disguise. A #MESSENGER of Hope. Thank you for this Wonderful Piece, you got me…erm..well…#SPEECHLESS! Lols!!!

    1. topazo says:

      Oh Jules, I would say right here, right now, you are bleeding on a canvass! the words that you write are poetic, rich in language, vivid in descriptions and very evocative!

      Thanks for your kind words. God is our light, and sometimes He acts subtly, using mundane and insignificant things (like a blog post), placed at the right place and at the right time when we are most receptive, to minister hope to us. He never truly leaves us, even when we feel all alone.

      1. Adeleke Julianah says:

        Smiles…All thanks goes to the Omniscient, Omnipresent and Omnipotent God, and thanks to you too…*hugs*

  4. zikaolofin says:

    This piece is deep, capturing the reality for many an artist/writer. Good thing is at the end, relief comes, clarity comes and you’re whole again

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