‘’Some things are better left unsaid’’, his mind tells him. ‘’No matter how hard it is to keep them down, they are things another ear must not hear. It is better to bottle it up, let it eat you up and kill you. At least you will die honourable. Abominations! Do not utter them. Think them if you must but I wouldn’t even advice you to do that, but if you must, then let it just stay there. They must not be uttered.’’
‘’How can it be heard that you are in love with a married woman? That you desire her and dream about her? Mba! Eewo!’’
And so he dies a slow painful death, in bits and pieces. Daily. If love was a matter of choice, then he would have expunged the feelings from his heart but alas, matters of the heart cannot be decided by the head. The heart wants what it wants.
Several emotions war within him, each pulling him in different directions and threatening to tear him apart. He feared he was going to lose it soon.
Outwardly, he appears calm and cool, a picture at variance with the raging storm beneath. He was surprised that no one had seen past the façade, the thinly veiled wall hiding the fury of the fire underneath. It is sad, how people look at you but don’t really see.
So he smiles and laughs and stifles the groan that is always lurking around to escape his lips, the gasps of pain as his heart utters their death throes. He restrains himself from clutching his heart as the pangs take hold of him. He suffers in silence. No one would understand his pain. It was a sacrilege, thinking those thoughts, feeling those thoughts.