I am sad

I am sad

Can’t you see?

Never mind the smile

Nor the hearty laughter;

Listen to the timbre

And you will pick the strain

Of a wail.

 

I am sad, not mad,

When the heart is down

It spews negative emotions

And sometimes inappropriately;

No, it isn’t anger that I feel,

It is pain, so intense that

I am losing my mind.

 

I am sad,

Look deeper and see the wound

Festering beneath the sheen;

Sometimes, what you see

Is not what is:

When it seems I’m pushing you away,

That is me crying for help.

 

I am sad,

Drowning in my tears;

Sorrow is a billow

Swallowing my soul

Into its yawning depth;

I am lost at sea

Help me.

 

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29 Comments Add yours

  1. What a plaintive wail…heart cutting! …wish i could help….

    1. topazo says:

      thanks Dr Swag…

  2. Yemie says:

    Bia, why should I even listen to the timbre to pick the strain of a wail okwa ya?! Its not like you don’t have a mouth to speak, or yell out aloud that you’re in need of help! Its not like you cried out to me and I ignored you! Why should I bear the burden of ‘seeing’ your pains when you do well to hide ’em under a very well rehearsed, rehashed and flawless facade?! What am I God the All-Seeing and All-Knowing One?! Speak up already, quit being selfish and narcissistic, and dare to see if I won’t move the mountains for you and get you that help you’re so much in need of! Phew! *laughing*

    So, this is an overwhelmingly sad ‘monsterpiece’! Could Gloomie be back?! Hovering menacingly like a Vulture?! *sighs*

    I love this piece nonetheless! You did great justice to it! Awesome!!! LOL

    1. topazo says:

      if you care, then you would look deeper. people that care do not stay content with being superficial or get satisfied with “I am fines”.

      And if you can’t care to look deeper, if it is a ‘burden’ to see my pains, then it is as well that I maintain my ‘facade’ around you…cos ‘moving mountains’ will only be a cheap self gratifying and an ego tripping voyage of empty words stringed together for the purpose of feeling good and ‘showing’ the depth of your care which is anything but shallow.

      you call hiding the pain selfish and narcissistic? do you even know the meaning of the word ‘narcissism’?

      thanks for the comments and the commendation.

      1. Yemie says:

        Look deeper?! What the hell’s that even supposed to mean?! All I see are the rambles of a very selfish, self-absorbing whiny lil brat! If you need help, scream, rave, shout and do what you must to get it! Don’t bottle it up inside of you and then assume the peeps around you should know or get it! That’s just plain ridiculous!

        Here’s another thing, God who made us KNOWS all of our needs; but if He in His infinite supremacy and wisdom still expects and infact insists that we ask Him ’bout those wants and needs, which he’s fully aware of in the first place; then where do I get off, the mere mortal that I am, to know that you need help when you’re not forthcoming ’bout it?! Am expected to ‘see’! That’s just silly! The height of idiocy! Such ridiculosity! Psst!

        1. topazo says:

          and here are the rantings of a self righteous, snooty, and highly insensitive human, who would rather stand and judge a soul already down rather than offer a helping hand. blinded by self that they don’t know how to look deeper to see through thinly veiled facades….

          everybody has a sense of dignity that needs to be preserved and help is only sought from people that can be trusted, people who show sincerity, whose words encourage you to unburden too…whose words are mild, whose eyes are kind, whose speech carry grace…

          not just proud, vain, puffed up, arrogant, haughty and deceitful self righteous, religious cloak garbing breeds of vipers and chameleons…

          “call, scream…” you say, so that when you come, you can feel good and important, take perverse delight in acting the role of the good Samaritan that saved the day…..

          these are the kind of people that paul wrote about that he would rather suffer than allow them to glory in his flesh!

          the Good Lord that made you also gave you His Spirit (that’s assuming you ever received Him and haven’t stifled Him) to lead and guide you…and one of the things He does is to lead you to that soul that is drowning that you might save them…that is what being a light of the world means…to be a beacon of hope to those adrift at sea…

          such pharisaic depositions!

          1. Yemie says:

            *standing ovation* And my response to these blabs, cause that’s all I see….BULLSHIT! How do you find a person, who goes ‘missing’ but does not want to be found?! How do you save a soul who doesn’t want to be saved?! Inspite of these ‘intellectual jargons’ you managed to reel out from your lexicon; I still maintian my stance…..any out there, who’s drowning should cry out for help or die in silence! Eni ba dake, ti e naa maa ba dake! Don’t assume jack! That people around you know anything! Talk ’bout, say it out loud! Unburden yourself! All these one wey you just write for here na tory! Good for reading and that’s just ’bout it! Its CRAP!

            1. topazo says:

              I agree with you on one point, they are intellectual jargons, and as such they are too high for you to grasp. and your response is typical of that of the average simple minded when confronted with a knowledge that is too high for them, they turn to their show of shame, with name calling, exposing their folly and ignorance….

              they shout so loud trying to drown the voice of reason, because that is what they do best, shout. their ways are set, their thinking cannot be changed.. the likes that are referred to as ‘brute beasts’ by the highly intellectual apostle Paul. the likes to which Peter referred to as ‘unstable and unlearned who wrest with things that are too high to be understood to their own destruction’

              and if it is all crap, and too intellectual to be fathomed and comprehended, the best thing to do is to hush, keep silent, sit down and learn. and if not, pass by…

              ‘even a fool when he keeps quiet is considered wise’ says the holy book

              Be wise…

              1. Yemie says:

                Oh Wow! So am a fool now?! That’s rich! You really hit me below the belt and that hurts so deeply! Ouch! But, I’ll live! Nothing dey happen!

                You know what Doc, speak, write, believe whatever the heck you wanna, that’s your beeswax! My mouth was given me for a reason, I don’t get to bottle up my feelings whenever I need help even from Him who made me! I pray to Him, by OPENING wide my mouth to tell Him I need help! He may not help me if I don’t ask, seek or knock as He’s commanded! If there’s any overly righteous here Sir, then its you! Faith without works is zero! Everything ’bout the kingdom’s based on simple laid out principles, end of story! There are so many help support centres out there, ready to help out people in dire need of help! How will this help reach ’em if they don’t speak out but are waiting for people like you who are Spirit filled to know instantly that they do and come to their aid?! The Letter killeth but the Spirit giveth Life! Its not enough to quote the Bible, understanding its contents and the wisdom to apply those contents are highly needed!

                I still say, any who needs help should openly talk ’bout it till they get that help that they need or die in their silence! Not everyone’s perceptive enough to notice things and this has resorted to a lot of people taking their lives, cos they felt they were being neglected! Did they even stop to think for a second that their loved ones may not be in the know for the simple reason that they just don’t see it???Therefore, wouldn’t it be simple wisdom to just open up and say something already??? This is my final submission, am outta here!

                Plus, ease up on the curse words, you can get your messages across without resorting to abuses by being so damn petty and condescending ! Learn to play nice, its not a difficult thing to do! Shalom!

                1. topazo says:

                  Pastor Yemie, thou whom the Spirit has blessed with the understanding of the Bible, thank you for sharing your thoughts. thanks for speaking up for the unperceptive group out there who need megaphones and loudspeakers to hear the cry of people in need of help. That is also your opinion, and not the absolute truth like you very well want us to believe. thanks for sharing, the world wouldn’t be interesting without dissenting voices.

                  you know the beautiful thing about the human mind? we see the offences and errors of others, to us they are just plain bad but when we do the same, we always have an explanation.

                  I would just like you to take a moment to read through your comments and right from your very first comments ( which was unprovoked if I may add), you will find curse words and highly inappropriate words like “selfish”, “narcissism” “silly” “brat” “folly” “idiocy” and all the likes.

                  I ask myself, could she have passed her message without resorting to using those words? the answer is yes.

                  yet here she stands looking me in the eye with all the moral justification of a guileless and sinless saint and she tells me to learn to be nice and not use ‘curse words’. the height of the hypocrisy stinks to the high heavens!

                  here is someone whose very comments reeked of those words, who used the words “folly” and “idiocy” first and all in just a single sentence! and here she gets to lecture me on speaking etiquette and how to pass message across without using curse words…I swear some folks are just plain morally blind.

                  and forgetting the use of the word folly, cries foul when the word is hauled back (even if they were part of a proverb meant to admonish and not used directly on her)
                  it is classic example of the psychological blind spot…

                  Thanks ma’am….your comments are always appreciated.

                  1. Yemie says:

                    *singing in Kas’ voice* ‘Omo Yoruba ni mi o’…….. My comments are always appreciated after all of these abi?! And am guessing that’s supposed to be the final nail in the coffin?! Or perhaps I oughta launch into a jive?! I see! Neat! You do well! I get it, trust me I REALLY do! No lele! *smh*

                    I quite underestimated you Doc, but your messages are well received! Thanks soo much for these, your feedbacks are always appreciated too, you don’t know the half of it! Oseeeeee!

                    1. topazo says:

                      I can say the same thing about you Yemie, I underestimated you.

                      I hope you get no other messages other than what I intended you to get, which is that I TRULY APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENTS.

                      looking at all your comments, I see that you really did not get the message of the poem.

                      the narrative voice was ACTUALLY crying for help. right from the title ‘I am sad’.

                      you can imagine a listener replying “you are sad? but I don’t see it!”

                      narrative voice: “don’t mind the smiles nor the hearty laughter, if you only listen more closely you will pick the strain of a wail”

                      Listener: (frowning face) “But then you always seem so pissed”

                      Narrative voice: (sighs. continuing in a low voice, sounding tired) “I am sad, not mad. when the heart is down, it spews negative emotions that is sometimes inappropriate and at variance with what it is really feeling. It is not anger that I feel, like you think, but pain, one so intense that I am losing my mind”

                      Listener: (nodding head) I see

                      Narrative voice: I am sad, look deeper and see the festering wound beneath the sheen

                      Listener: But you don’t act like you are in pain!

                      Narrative voice: sometimes what you see is not what is; when it seems I am pushing you away, acting like I am fine and nothing is wrong, that is me crying for help. I silently wish that you would not take no for an answer and that you will hold me and not let go. then I would have melted right in your arms and cry my heart out knowing that I can finally find a friend in you and that I can trust you”

                      Listener: (sighs. he is deep in thought and realizes that all the assumptions about the narrative voice could actually be wrong): “I am here for you” (his voice is soft, his eyes are kind and hold that of the narrative voice)

                      Narrative voice: (teary eyed with quivering lips and trembling voice) “I am sad, drowning in my tears; sorrow is a billow swallowing my soul in its yawning depths. I am lost at sea, help me”

                      (listener holds narrative voice in an embrace as narrative voice shakes with sobs and rests head on listener’s shoulder and cries, partly out of pain and partly of relief for finding a succor at last)

                      curtain fades…

                      Yemie, I hope with this expansion, you finally get it that the poem was about asking for help. And that all your earlier comments was based on you not really understanding the poem. poetry captures a lot in few words. perhaps if I had written it in prose form, it would have been clearer. you can see that the other comments reflected that they saw the narrative voice as seeking help.

  3. When it seems I’m pushing you away,

    That is me crying for help.

    Story of my life. Well put!

    1. topazo says:

      why do we do that though?

      1. Fuck if I know. It never works.

  4. zikaolofin says:

    Beautiful. An earnest but quiet cry for help. Nice!

    1. topazo says:

      Thanks Zee, bless your heart. sometimes, people don’t need to scream before we see the earnestness in their cry for help… I pray that God uses us to help someone who is dying inside and just waiting to be saved…

  5. Walt Shakes says:

    The drowning thoughts of that one person is not truly seen. This is the feeling only those prone to depression can ever truly understand.

    1. topazo says:

      yes, few people understand…and those who don’t just sit and play judge..

  6. TM says:

    hmm, like this. would like to reblog it, may I?

    1. topazo says:

      Thanks TM, you may reblog.

  7. theinkheart says:

    Why do I have a feeling I inspired this poem *shakes head*…. Anyways, Yemie, I think it is very wrong to judge what is going on in these people’s heads when you’ve never been there. I have issues, I don’t like talking about them because at one point when I was a child, I said what I was feeling and got punished for it. People are afraid of being judged, of being trampled upon, of being taken advantage of. Silence is the only way we can find an ally,someone to trust… but you may never understand until you’ve worn their shoes… You will never understand…

    1. topazo says:

      I love your comments so much inkheart!

      this emotion is so common place that everyone, well, almost everyone can lay claim to it.
      this poem here is you, is me, and is so many others.. we are silently waiting for the person that will come and save us and we leave subtle hints for the person that will care enough to look deeper…

      1. theinkheart says:

        *Takes a bow* my boss has said it all…

        1. topazo says:

          ehn? which boss biko?

          1. theinkheart says:

            Lol, the one I’m about to reply with this comment

            1. topazo says:

              ok, when you reply let me know…

              1. theinkheart says:

                Looool… be forming as if you don’t know you are my boss

                1. topazo says:

                  *covers face*
                  me ke?

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