‘How much pain can the heart bear before it buckles under the weight of heaviness? How much sorrow would it be plagued with before it succumbs? How much of the gall of sadness can it drink before it decides to give out?’
He was near tears. He lay curled up on the sofa staring at the wall. The pain in his chest was almost unbearable and his breathing came in short gasp. He had read that sometimes the pain of heartache can be physical, he was experiencing it. Every word was true. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought he was having a heart attack.
‘My heart yearns for you with a longing that cannot be described with words. Every second, every day, I miss you. My hands itch to wrap around you, my body shudders and craves your warmth; without you my heart is empty and numb. Oh how I love you so!’
‘Beautiful lines, Mr. Romantic! Why not send it to her?’
‘Mockery does not behoove you.’
‘I am serious. Tell her! Be honest for once, stop hiding it all inside. Let yourself go and whatever she does with it is up to her.’
‘To what end? It is a lost cause. These words are said to someone you hope will be yours, they are words of a lover to another. Saying them would not be fair. It will be wicked even.’
‘Why are you not with her again?’
‘C’mon! You know.’
‘I know that it is not too late. I know you will say it will be messy but hell, life is messy as it is, and a little messier won’t change anything.’
‘Integrity. When you make a pledge to someone, you should fulfil it no matter the cost.’
‘Even at the expense of your happiness?’
‘Especially at the expense of your happiness. That is what makes up character. What do you think will happen to my fiancee if I choose to pursue my happiness?’
‘Being self-sacrificing I see’
‘No, being duty bound.’
‘Besides I do love my fiancée’
‘C’mon! You know that.’
‘Of course I do. If love is a meticulous and dutiful fulfillment of obligations and responsibilities, then yes, you love her.’
‘Aside that, I feel a tenderness towards her and the need to make her happy, to cherish her and nurture her. I can’t bear to see her sad or hurt.’
‘While at the back of your mind, you just want to put a bullet to your head! You long for that fire that course through your veins, the passion that floods you and how she makes you feel alive. You miss that intense paternal and protective instincts that are evoked in you anytime you are near her.
You crave the contentment that floods you from just looking at her and being with her, that feeling that you are exactly where you want to be, where you are meant to be. The spring to your step when you walk beside her, the need to hold her and announce to the world that she belongs to you, and the pride that holds you captive at the thought that she is yours.
You know her inside and out and that knowledge makes her feel safe around you and makes her trust you. You like that she needs you and the feeling it evokes when you pour yourself out for her.’
Bola sighed. This is the first time he had ever being able to articulate his feelings for her. With the clarity came a revelation. He needed her as much as she needed him.
They had a connection- they were two halves that had been lost till they found each other and coming together had made them feel so complete, whole and truly alive. They knew it, and others knew it too. Maybe that was what had scared her away, the intensity of it.
Some of their friends could not believe that they hadn’t ended up together- they had been a perfect fit.
“She was perfect for me” his voice was barely audible, choked with emotion. “I need her. I want her.”
‘I am sorry’
‘Why?! It is unfair! The one person that I have ever loved with every cell in my body turns out to be unavailable. Why?’
‘It is destiny’. The voice was a whisper
‘Destiny? Did you say destiny?!’ A harsh laughter, then ‘what evil destiny is that? To deny one of his most prized possession. To what end?’
‘The path to glory is filled with blood and sweat. A heart that touches lives is one that has been bruised and broken. Sweet fragrance can only come from a broken alabaster box.’
‘That is all bullcrap! I don’t buy any of that. A man should have the right to choose his own path. I choose to walk the path that has her by my side. Leave the touching of lives to someone who wouldn’t mind the pain, a masochist that is. By the way, which book did you read those from? The author must be high on weed or something. Imagine the warped philosophy!’
He stood up from the sofa. He was having a headache from all the arguments going on in his head. He felt like his head was going to explode if he should continue with his line of thought. It was too much for a man to bear.
An idea popped into his head.
He sat down in front of his computer
“Quicksand” he typed.
Disclaimer: This story is NOT about the author. It IS purely a work of fiction!