Quicksand 2

 

‘How much pain can the heart bear before it buckles under the weight of heaviness? How much sorrow would it be plagued with before it succumbs? How much of the gall of sadness can it drink before it decides to give out?’

He was near tears. He lay curled up on the sofa staring at the wall. The pain in his chest was almost unbearable and his breathing came in short gasp. He had read that sometimes the pain of heartache can be physical, he was experiencing it. Every word was true. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought he was having a heart attack.

‘My heart yearns for you with a longing that cannot be described with words. Every second, every day, I miss you. My hands itch to wrap around you, my body shudders and craves your warmth; without you my heart is empty and numb. Oh how I love you so!’

‘Beautiful lines, Mr. Romantic! Why not send it to her?’

‘Mockery does not behoove you.’

‘I am serious. Tell her! Be honest for once, stop hiding it all inside. Let yourself go and whatever she does with it is up to her.’

‘To what end? It is a lost cause. These words are said to someone you hope will be yours, they are words of a lover to another. Saying them would not be fair. It will be wicked even.’

‘Why are you not with her again?’

‘C’mon! You know.’

‘I know that it is not too late. I know you will say it will be messy but hell, life is messy as it is, and a little messier won’t change anything.’

‘Integrity. When you make a pledge to someone, you should fulfil it no matter the cost.’

‘Even at the expense of your happiness?’

‘Especially at the expense of your happiness. That is what makes up character. What do you think will happen to my fiancee if I choose to pursue my happiness?’

‘Being self-sacrificing I see’

‘No, being duty bound.’

‘Potato Potayto.’

‘Besides I do love my fiancée’

‘You do?’

‘C’mon! You know that.’

‘Of course I do. If love is a meticulous and dutiful fulfillment of obligations and responsibilities,  then yes, you love her.’

‘Aside that, I feel a tenderness towards her and the need to make her happy, to cherish her and nurture her. I can’t bear to see her sad or hurt.’

‘While at the back of your mind, you just want to put a bullet to your head! You long for that fire that course through your veins, the passion that floods you and how she makes you feel alive. You miss that intense paternal and protective instincts that are evoked in you anytime you are near her.

You crave the contentment that floods you from just looking at her and being with her, that feeling that you are exactly where you want to be, where you are meant to be. The spring to your step when you walk beside her, the need to hold her and announce to the world that she belongs to you, and the pride that holds you captive at the thought that she is yours.

You know her inside and out and that knowledge makes  her feel safe around you and makes her trust you. You like that she needs you and the feeling it evokes when you pour yourself out for her.’

Bola sighed. This is the first time he had ever being able to articulate his feelings for her. With the clarity came a revelation. He needed her as much as she needed him.

They had a connection- they were two halves that had been lost till they found each other and coming together had made them feel so complete, whole and truly alive. They knew it, and others knew it too. Maybe that was what had scared her away, the intensity of it.

Some of their friends could not believe that they hadn’t ended up together- they had been a perfect fit.

“She was perfect for me” his voice was barely audible, choked with emotion. “I need her. I want her.”

‘I am sorry’

‘Why?! It is unfair! The one person that I have ever loved with every cell in my body turns out to be unavailable. Why?’

‘It is destiny’. The voice was a whisper

‘Destiny? Did you say destiny?!’ A harsh laughter, then ‘what evil destiny is that? To deny one of his most prized possession. To what end?’

‘The path to glory is filled with blood and sweat. A heart that touches lives is one that has been bruised and broken. Sweet fragrance can only come from a broken alabaster box.’

‘That is all bullcrap! I don’t buy any of that. A man should have the right to choose his own path. I choose to walk the path that has her by my side. Leave the touching of lives to someone who wouldn’t mind the pain, a masochist that is. By the way, which book did you read those from? The author must be high on weed or something. Imagine the warped philosophy!’

He stood up from the sofa. He was having a headache from all the arguments going on in his head. He felt like his head was going to explode if he should continue with his line of thought. It was too much for a man to bear.

An idea popped into his head.

He sat down in front of his computer

“Quicksand” he typed.

********

Disclaimer: This story is NOT about the author. It IS purely a work of fiction!

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22 Comments Add yours

  1. Yemie says:

    Wow! A sequel already?! This is sooo beyond coolness! *laughing*. So I take it the ‘mayhem’ still continues right?! Nice one! LOL

    I find Bola’s ruminations very stimulating and electrifying , by golly! Mehn! Those back and forth debates can really make a man’s head go BOOM! Very unnerving! Add heartaches to that and you have the perfect recipe for disaster! Good thing he found just the right avenue to channel those thoughts. I do hope though, that his case will not be like that of the man who says of his wife, ‘we sleep in the same bed but we may as well be in separate countries’! That’s just some really crazy hocus pocus! LMAO.

    Destiny always wins in the end! Its just what it is! There’s so much a mere mortal can do ’bout that! Just love the one you’re with, if you can’t be with the one you consider the ultimate one, especially if such a person’s unavoidably unavailable! Love comes softly and in time, you’ll realise just how far along you’ve come to loving the one you’re with, and everything will naturally fall into place.

    A beautiful piece Doc, indepth, insightful and very interesting! Talk ’bout Tomato(pronounced to-mei-to) and Tomato( pronounced to-mah-to), eh?! Awesomeness! LOL

    1. topazo says:

      Bola definitely loves the two women in his life.. albeit differently. with one it is a slow burn, a gentle warmth while with the other it is a roaring inferno, deliciously overwhelming, without which he feels cold and empty. it is the lack of it that is threatening his sanity….

      Destiny sha…that thing ehn…

      1. zikaolofin says:

        I was going to type exactly what Yemie said but she already spoke my mind. Mehn! All that kind debate inside person head? Abeg Bola gat to take am easy o. Otherwise, no be just boom we go hear, na Gbosa! Nice piece, pal.

  2. Walter says:

    These conversations he has with himself though… lol

    1. topazo says:

      those thoughts can push a man beyond the boundaries of sanity

  3. theshaione says:

    This is beginning to sound quite familiar. This is quite cool….the inner struggle, I like. That voice, the one that won’t leave us alone till it has its way – good or bad, right or wrong.

    I still wait till when the subject matter of all this inner anguish comes into the picture…then it will get thicker, hopefully.

    1. topazo says:

      thanks for stopping by…
      you think the subject will come into the picture? what if the whole story is centered around Bola and his struggles? and we only see the other characters through his ruminations?

      1. theshaione says:

        That will be a unique way to pull this whole thing through – very possible, very likely.

        Buh, if u ask me for my pennies’ worth…bringing those other two into the whole frame of things — “one it is a slow burn, a gentle warmth while with the other it is a roaring inferno, deliciously overwhelming”… doing to ’em what u r doing to our good friend here will give this story a whole new roundness…and wholesomeness.

        I am jus’ picturing that in my head…looking at it the way they would also be looking and finking about this man…this situ.

        Mark, I don’t doubt ur ability to pull it off the other way….Like I said earlier somewhere….this is very familiar. Very much so….

        Good job.

        1. topazo says:

          when you say familiar, do you mean like a personal experience?

          i love your angle too.. thanks for dropping your “penny’s worth”

  4. buqie says:

    Hmmmmm.

    “Sweet fragrance can only come from a broken alabaster box.”

    This matter is too sad o. Pls let there be a happy ending somewhere ehn, biko.

    And this disclaimer sha. Well, if you say so…

    1. topazo says:

      Lol…leave my disclaimer alone jor..
      will there be a happy ending? there aren’t always happy ending in life o…
      thanks…you know i always look forward to your comments..
      that line too…i particularly like it..

  5. This, is good! Those deep convos going back and forth in that realm really conveyed lots.

    Many times we think of the heart as a product of one computer programme/excel coding that’s kinda rigid, and then assume that it can only love one at a time. . . befuddling us further when we start feeling intense for someone else. Pardon my hocus-pocus (*smiles* Patric-ian, I hail thee). My point: Multiple loving is real (just a matter of intensity) and seriously, it’s crushing!

    The way you wrote and replied, it’s hard to believe the disclaimer, but I believe you Doc. *smiles*

    Nice!

    1. topazo says:

      Oga Joe! you have said the undiluted truth…multiple loving is soooo possible..

      Bola is my creation so i know him in and out hence my replies…just take that disclaimer like that, don’t question it…and don’t even entertain any modicum of doubt! okay?
      thanks. lol

  6. Asher. says:

    As someone rightly said.. “This disclaimer though”.. Lool… You know, as I was deliciously digesting every chunk of this yummy chocolatey flavored piece of “fiction”, it began to strike closer to home… But mine is not exactly resonating with this, there’s a little skew somewhere.. But it’s still really really familiar…. Like the after taste of that roundish black stuff hawkers sell when inter-state traveling.. Walnut they call it?.

    “A heart that touches lives is one that has been bruised and broken”.. At first glance I wanted to kick against this statement, but I remembered somewhere in the christains’ good book where it’s written “Except a grain of wheat falleth to the ground and die, it abideth alone”… Quick sand is so intensely sweet to read, I even feel like falling in love already. I believe I speak for everyone when I say
    “Sequel 3 pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease”

    1. topazo says:

      Lol..love is a beautiful thing! please fall right inside…just make sure the ‘pit’ you are falling into is the right one…

      sequel 3 huh? let’s wait and see o..

      P.S i’m liking this your presence that is hovering…*wink*

  7. Asher. says:

    All in favor of sequel 3…say Aiye!!!…. “AIYE!!!”.. well, as you can see from this unanimous opinion… The aiyes have it.. So we are waiting.. Hehee

    1. topazo says:

      lol…okay o…let the wish of the (one man) ‘people’ be granted..

  8. Omotayo says:

    Beautiful!
    The disclaimer? Why was it necessary?

    1. topazo says:

      Thanks
      becasue of some of my fans that like to mix the author with his creations…

  9. Dupe says:

    My thoughts ‘this story is about the author, just tell us who ‘her’ and ur ‘fiancee’ is and we will help u do d finishing’. Lol.

    1. topazo says:

      hahahahaha…you wish Dupe!
      it is fiction…

  10. zikaolofin says:

    Hmmm…people are really hitting on you over this disclaimer issue. I no just envy you at all. E pele. E ku ifarada. But then….

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