He drops his phone and sighs. He needed to hear from her but not like this, not over the phone, not via BBM where all he could get were words, casual and cursory. He wanted to hear her voice and watch her mouth move as she speaks, and watch them curve deleteriously in a smile.
He sighs as the image of her lips come into focus in his mind’s eye, and he swallows. It had been hard yanking his eyes away from those pouty lips painted a violet hue and shiny from a touch of lip gloss earlier when they had met.
‘She is the one for me’ he thought with sadness. He wished things had turned out differently. Even now, if he was given a chance to choose, he knew what his choice would be.
‘Do you?’ his mind questioned.
‘Of course’ was his immediate reply
‘But you chose Rita’ his mind fired back
‘Like I had a choice in the matter’
‘Yes, you did have a choice, and you chose Rita over her’
‘That was the only choice!’
‘No, it wasn’t’
He closes his eyes as the argument rages on. He knows it is pointless and allows the feeling of sadness wash over him. Choosing Rita had been the honourable thing to do, and on some level he didn’t regret it. They have a good thing going and everything was peaceful and….
‘Quiet’ his mind supplied
‘Yes! Quiet is the apt description’ he acquiesced.
And that is where the problem lies.
With Cynthia, there was passion. With her, he came alive and felt alive. They had chemistry, something he had always wanted in a partner. He smiles as he remembers the times they had been together, how they had devoured each other like starved animals. The delicate and frenzied touches and caresses and foreplay, the escapades in the –
‘Snap out it! Now!!’ his mind hissed ‘you do not want to go down that lane. Remember how hard you have worked to get to this place’
He blows out air and breathes deeply, clearing his mind of the images.
‘I miss her’
‘I know’ his mind replies
‘I miss her badly’ he repeats.
‘But you know you can’t have her, and you should stay as far away from her as possible. You don’t want to hurt Rita again’
‘You are right. But it is just so hard! How long till all these feelings die?’
‘I wish I knew man, but you just have to hang in there. One day at a time’
He stands and walks to the kitchen, humming ‘we shall overcome’ the sound track of the movie ‘my name is Khan’ and smiles as he remembers the familiar line: “my name is Khan, Han…from the epiglottis”
‘It will be well after all’ he tells himself and set about making dinner.