The Letter

on

 

Do you know how hard it is to keep my hands off you? Do you know it takes all my concentration and strength to refrain from holding you, crushing you against me and kissing you silly, that I get home exhausted from all the energy expended?

The other day, sitting close to you alone, I got hot all over and the desire to reach out to touch you was so much that I had to occupy my hands with something, anything. Nothing has tried my self control so much in my entire life as much as the attraction that I feel for you.

Right now, as I write this, I am stroking myself and remembering how good it feels when you touch me. Your touch lights me up and sets me on fire, drives me wild. With you, I have had the greatest love making; everything about it, the sights, sounds and the way you respond to me and me to you.

Being a good guy sucks! I know this because I go through hell daily and on some days, like today, it just becomes unbearable and it feels like I am going crazy from longing.

I want to chase you, I really do. Then I remember the pain it will bring you and I falter. The memory of the tears and agony of guilt you went through the last time is still fresh. I can’t bear to put through that. Like you said the other day, you wouldn’t recover from it.

So, I won’t do it. It will kill me, I know, but I won’t. Isn’t love the willingness to die for the object of your desire? I know you are moving on, I will let you. I won’t be fine, I am sure of this, no matter how much I try to get over you.

A part of me is revolting even now. It is telling me that I should think about myself for a change and try and be happy. You make me happy, and I want you for myself but doing so won’t be right. Who cares about what is right? You do and much like I would wish otherwise, I do.

Right now, right and wrong don’t mean much compared to the pain that is threatening to drown me in its depth, but I see your tear stained face and I am willing to succumb and let the tide carry me to wherever it wills.

He sighs, drops the pen and dab at teary eyes. The first three paragraphs were originally intended to be sent to her but as he typed them, the thoughts of the consequences begin to haunt him and he knew that much as he wanted to throw caution to the wind, he couldn’t. He leans back on the chair, closes his eyes and allows the pain to wash over him.

 

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Yemie says:

    *sighs* Another grim and arsenic tale! An impossible and forbidden love! Very emotionally-ladened, I could just slice the tension renting the air with a knife! I see a very conscientious, teary-eyed, full-blooded grown man, so overwhelmed and swept up by the emotions of passion and desires that his beloved wroughts in him on the one hand, yet struggling to do right by his Maker than having to yield or succumb to his fleshly desires, on the other hand. Such great resolve and sacrifice is uncommon, impossible almost! What can I say?! This shouldn’t be happening! True love shouldn’t be this tortuous and I’m a firm believer in destiny. If these two belong together and are meant to be, fate would deal ’em a better hand and the forces of nature themselves will work together in their favour to bring ’em close somehow, someway. What’s yours is yours, and what will be; will most definitely be!

    I love this concept though. Its very Victorian (Era) especially with that illustration of the beau, at his table penning a missive! And that last part where he reclines into his chair, perhaps in defeat and allows the pain wash over him got me ‘awwing’. Poor, broken soul! But he’ll live. All the same, its brilliant, this piece! Kudos, Doc!

    1. topazo says:

      I agree with you, this kind of torture shouldn’t be happening! sadly, it does happen and is happening…

      will he live? what exactly constitutes living?

      1. Yemie says:

        Funny that you should ask that, Gloomie! Ever heard of that golden saying that ‘where one door closes, another opens’ ei? Where’s your optimism dearie? Besides, so long as he’s alive, there’s hope; innit?! Lolz

        1. topazo says:

          there is hope? really? that somehow the mortal wound on his heart will miraculously disappear?
          his heart would heal you would say, but what about the scar that will be left? I assure you, that man can never remain the same again

          1. Yemie says:

            Unless by some twisted coincidence this ‘man’ is you, then I dunno how on Earth you know for shizzie that he wouldn’t meet some other lady, who’s perhaps meant for him and will help him heal and move on to that blissful and happy ending that everyone’s deserving of. So do tell, Gloomie; are you the mystery man in this surreal piece?! LOL!

            1. topazo says:

              ah, you would wish this fate on me?
              and unless you were by some means divinity, you can’t say that this man would get over this and all will be well.
              we all know that life can be mean at times and can deal with a man from start to finish.
              remember lazarus?

              1. Yemie says:

                Dude, no one’s wishing any fate on anyone. I only asked an harmless question which should elicit the simple response of a yay or nay. Last time I checked, you it was who was playing the ‘clairvoyant one’. Gazing into your crystal ball to know for sure that the ‘man’ will be licking his wounds and nursing his scars for all of eternity. So that pretty much aroused my curiosity informing that harmless question you’ve succeeded in evading, AGAIN!

                And yes, I do remember Lazarus but I also know we all have different destinies so to speak. This man’s no Lazarus. He might actually have it better than Lazarus did. Did you even think ’bout it in this light, Gloomie?! *straight-faced but gigglin’*

                1. topazo says:

                  Lol. what do you expect from “gloomie” if not pessimism!

                  1. Yemie says:

                    Awww! For this, I’m sooo getting off your case. This response has just endeared you all the more to moi. Very honest, true and sexy. You Rock Gloomie, you really do! *bear hugs* LMAO!

                    1. topazo says:

                      *bushing*
                      thanks ma’am…being endeared to you is a huge thing!

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