I sit in the waiting room, nervous but managing to appear calm as I flip through the pages of the magazine resting on my laps.
The waiting is the hardest part, sitting down doing nothing but imagining several diseases that could end up being your diagnosis. Well, for me, knowing what’s wrong with me will be a huge relief.
Six months, six hospitals, several needle pricks, and a barrage of tests I have never heard of, and I am at my wit’s end.
The test results must reveal whatever is wrong with me. The alternative is simply unacceptable.
I feel a wave of panic and anger just recalling the encounter with the last doctor I saw.
“Your tests came back negative, there is no medical explanation for your symptoms”
“But I am not feeling well doctor”
“Well, there is only one alternative, I think your symptoms might be coming from your mind”
How dare he? Suggesting I see a shrink?
I wring my hands, and wipe my sweaty palms on my skirt.
“Miss Moka” the receptionist call “the doctor will see you now”
The tests revealed nothing. The doctor sound puzzled. At least he doesn’t think I am losing it. This doesn’t stop the tears though. Something is wrong with me, I am not well and it’s not in my mind! Why won’t the tests reveal it?
I stand up to leave, tired and drained. I am the picture of frustration. I want to quit but I can’t. I need to find answers but not now. All I want to do now is scream.
The door open and a young lady doctor walk in, her white coat neatly pressed.
“Sorry for interrupting ” she says ” I think I know what is wrong with her”
Just one more test. Relief flood me and I even manage a smile. It’s being a while I did that.
Now it’s being five days since the test was done and joy has being replaced with nerve wracking anxiety. The memory of the smile is distant and hazy.
Truly, the waiting is the hardest.
Then the phone rings. It’s the hospital.
“Hello” I say, shakily, my heart pounding in my chest.
“Hello Miss Moka” the voice on the other end answers, “I am calling concerning your test result”
Response to cliffhanger