Shades of Grey- My Virginity

I am a virgin.

Best believe it. I have touched myself severally, I have been kissed, I have climaxed both from self-stimulation and by another’s, and yes I have made others climax too. Still I have retained my virginity.

And I am proud of it.

Mama would be proud, her head-gear will be the biggest on my wedding day. Father will glow with pride as he behold the fruit of his loins entering into adulthood. Oh, I can’t wait for that day!

Everywhere I go, I just have to let people know that I am a virgin, because it is a sign of self-control. Do you know how hard it is to abstain from penetrative sex? Do you know how rare it is to see a virgin in this morally decadent times? I should be celebrated, worshipped!

Plus, I am an inspiration to younger girls who are under the peer pressure to have sex. When they hear my story, they will be encouraged. Although, if they don’t have enough self-worth and self-esteem to know that only they have the choice over their body, I don’t know if my testimony can help them. But still I will try my best to shout it on the roof tops as loud as my lungs and vocal chords can go!

I am feeling so good right now. I don’t listen to all those haters who say that being a virgin is not a big deal or that virginity is overrated. They are just envious and jealous! They wished they could be like me. Well, sorry for them.

I have a relationship with God and that makes me keep myself. The bible forbids sex before marriage. However sometimes I feel guilty that I indulge in other sex-like activities but I have got to keep my man happy and from being tempted to sin by all those Delilahs out there. Husband snatchers! So what if he fingers me or I give him hand jobs and blow jobs, and then other times we dry hump? God understands. Plus He knows that I am still keeping His commandments and have not ‘defiled’ myself.

So, I am a virgin and am proud. It is part of who I am. I just have to let you all know. I am a woman of worth, I keep to traditional values, and I keep to the law of God. I am priceless and precious because of my virginity. I am a wife material.

I am looking forward to my wedding night ehn… kai! The things my hubby will do to me. He would have had so much experience that he will know how to pleasure me! Why are you gaping? Did you think I was ever going to marry a virgin man? Tufiakwa! Why ever would I do that? So that we will both be fumbling and clueless on my special night? God forbid!

He should have sown his oats before giving his life to Christ and becoming a God fearing man. I am sure the fear of God will keep him from straying and he won’t want to break his vows. Should I not meet his specs in bed, he will be patient with me, he will love me like that and respect me seeing as I kept myself for him. He will just worship me!

They call us prudes, don’t mind them. It is our choice and as such we shouldn’t be judged for deciding what we do with it, when we have sex and with who. We have chosen to wait till marriage, what is their own? Jobless people! Please tell them to face their business. Them that have had the sex so many times that they mix up their lovers in their head, how are they better than us? What benefit have accrued to them? Please tell them to park well!

Having sex is a choice and I have chosen not to have it. I am happy with my decision and I am bold to say it to anybody. When asked to say things about me, I will say “hi, my name is so and so, I am sexy, brilliant and beautiful. And yes I am a virgin, thank you”

 

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So, what are your views on virginity? Who is a virgin? Does virginity define a person? Is virginity a measure of morality? Why is it that virginity is harped only for females? Why is there so much hype about virginity? Should virginity be worn as a cloak of many colors and celebrated?

Distant Memories

I was happy once,

In a time so far away

That the memories are hazy.

It is almost like a dream

The kind that lingers at the edge of

Consciousness in that state between

Sleep and full arousal.

The kind of dream that you do not want

To wake up from

Because even without being fully awake

You already know that reality is not what you

Are ready to face, not yet

Not ever.

I was happy once

When the earth was aligned and not on its head

Like it is these days.

Then, there was laughter and mirth

Not somber faces and moans

There was hope and happiness

Not despair and depression

I was happy once

And I miss those days.

 

 

images courtesy: http://www.flickr.com

Darkness at noon

The world is sunny

But you sit in darkness

Cold and shivering

Because no amount of sun

Can thaw the ice around your heart.

 

You see the vivid colors in the world

Through monochromatic lenses

For you, there would be no “wows”

No jaw dropping from awesome wonders

All there is to your world are shades of gray.

 

You should be happy, you know that

Or should you?

All you know is that you are not;

Well, sometimes you are

But deep underneath is a sadness,

No smile can reach.

 

Some days you can keep the darkness at bay

At other time, you are overwhelmed

You wonder if you are depressed

Or something is wrong with you on a massive scale

Or just maybe…

 

And then you are stuck

You have no answers

All you have are what you feel

And you know that you don’t feel so good

Is it you or did the world just go dark?

The Shrink- Episode 3

Read episode 1 here and episode 2 here

***

I grunted as I held the man down on the couch that was in the school clinic and yelled over my shoulder “I will need a four point restraint”

The nurse just looked at me, like I was speaking in French. She couldn’t comprehend what I was saying and that made her nervous; I saw her twiddling her fingers. I remembered where I was and sighed

“I will need some strip of cloth to tie him down to the bed” I explained to her. It was not ideal but it would have to do. This was no psychiatric hospital and I didn’t expect them to have proper bed straps for restraining an agitated patient.

I sighed again. I was supposed to be on leave and not think about medicine or psychiatry!

The nurse came back with an old bed sheet and I instructed her on how to cut the strips to the appropriate size that would be suitable for the purpose. I would have to hand over the task of holding down the patient to another while I secured the knots on the restraints. It had taken months of practice to learn the art of securely fastening a patient to a bed and I was sure the nurse on duty wouldn’t know how to.

I looked at the nurse again, she was about five feet and four inches and weighed about fifty kilograms. She wouldn’t be able to hold the patient down.

“Erm Matron, could you please go outside and see if any of the boys that assisted in bringing the patient here are still around, I will need help in holding him down”. She nodded and left. She returned with two guys.

When the patient had been firmly held down, I proceeded to fasten the patient to the bed, making sure the straps were not too tight as to cut off blood flow to his limbs and not too loose as to give room for him to maneuver his hands to be able to loosen the knot.

I was perspiring by the time I was through. This was not what I had in mind when I decided to visit my elder brother at the university.

The visit had been going fine up until we decided to go out for lunch. We were walking down the stairs when we heard a commotion from the corridor below. By the time we got there, a crowd of people had gathered round. My first instinct was to ignore them and move on but my curiosity got the better of me. My life had revolved around the hospital for six months and I was in need of some excitement and drama.

The centre of attention was a young man, about twenty two, fair skinned and slim. The first thing that caught my attention was his dressing. He was dressed in an orange shirt over a blood red trousers and brown shoes. I found that odd. Unconsciously, an alarm went off in my head, something was not right.

He was addressing the crowd that were now gathered. “the end of the world is near, hear the word of God, God is going to destroy the earth, the earth is made up of water and clay, lay up treasures for yourself in heaven” Some people were sniggering while others hissed and were leaving. I noticed three guys very close to the young man and one was whispering to him and trying to steer him away.

“Leave me alone” the young man screamed at his friend “you are all servants of the devil and you want to subjugate my destiny. Don’t you know that I am the son of God? The sun is the largest star in the galaxy, Milky Way, it is filled with milk and honey”

I closed my eyes and sighed. It was all coming together. The unusual dressing; the loud, rapid speech, looking jumbled and with flight of ideas with lots of clanging; making false claims of power….

“You are mad” a voice from the crowd interrupted my thoughts. It was followed by a roar of laughter.

“It is your father, your mother and your entire village that is mad” the young man retorted. All hell broke loose as the student from the crowd rushed forward and aimed a blow at the young man’s head while the young man’s friends rushed forward to ward off the blow.

“That young man is sick” I said to my elder brother and rushed towards him. If there is no intervention now, he was going to be assaulted for no fault of his. I tapped the student that was about to attack the young man and when he looked back I said “hey, calm down, I am a doctor and this young man here is not feeling fine. He needs help” I saw the hesitation in his eyes and added “trust me”

I turned to the three young men that I presumed were the young man’s friends and said “your friend is sick. He has acute mania”.

One of them nodded and said “that is bipolar disorder right?”

“Yes” I replied “you know about his condition?”

He nodded.

“Good, then help me get him to the school clinic, he needs urgent help”

On arrival at the clinic, I had introduced myself to the doctor on duty and explained all that had happened and what I thought and he had accepted my help. It wasn’t every day that a school clinic sees such cases.

“So what next now?” the Matron cut into my rumination

“We sedate him and then get a full history from his friends and then contact his family. He will need specialist treatment”

I gave instructions on the dose and types of sedative and when it was administered, I left the clinic and continued to lunch with my brother.

“Somehow, you can’t seem to keep off work even when you are on leave” my brother teased when we were settled down at the restaurant and awaiting our orders.

“Like that is my fault”

“Maybe you attract them crazies everywhere you go” he said and burst out laughing

“Now that is a scary thought” I joined in the laughter too. Deep down inside, I felt satisfied that I had saved an innocent soul from being lynched. But with the satisfaction also came a sadness at the level of ignorance concerning psychological illnesses prevalent in the society and the need to spread the awareness and reduce the stigma of people suffering from these illnesses.

“So what are your plans for the rest of your leave?” my brother’s voice cut through my reverie. I pushed back the thought for now and decided to focus on enjoying my leave. I knew that soon, the idea would come back to my mind and then I would be ready to deal with it.

Happy Birthday Jules

Happy birthday Jules

All the very best in all your endeavours

Press forward, no matter the hardship

People may fail you but always lift up

Your heads to the heavens

Because help comes from above

Infinite grace abounds to see you through

Reach within you and harness the power

To fly high that has been deposited

Help will always come, always remember that

Dance at every chance you get

All things will always work out for your good

Yield yourself to the creator and watch him

Jumpstart his plans for you

Underneath you are the everlasting hands

Lie down in peace, you have nothing to fear

In all situations learn to trust God

And praise Him

Nothing can hurt you

And you can never be disadvantaged

Hearty cheers my dear, bask in God’s goodness!

 

Hip! Hip!! Hip!!! Hurray!!!!

***

This is a hurried post…not my best effort I agree, but I hope she accepts me as I am… my little something for her birthday….

In love with the sun

I am in love with the sun,

It fills me with wonder;

The echoes of thunder,

The streaks of lightning across the sky;

The fragrance of the rain soaked earth

Rich and intoxicating;

The sparkles of dew drops as it

Glints in the early morning light;

The sprinkles of diamond on

The canvass of the night;

The silvery glow of the full moon,

Queen among the constellations;

I am in love with the one

In whose mind all were conceived,

Whose imagination created the worlds,

Whose wisdom founded the heavens,

And whose words made manifest such beauty.

 

 

The King’s rage

Read the first part here

 

Haman left for the king’s palace with a heavy heart. He didn’t want to step into the capital for a long time and he wished he could just die. How was he to hold up his head amongst the council members of whom he was head? How would the palace maids and servants see him, seeing he had just done the basest of errands? Him? Haman!

As he approached the palace however, he began to console himself that he still had some dignity left. After all, he was going to a banquet hosted by the queen and he was the only person invited. He felt a little better about this.

On arrival at the palace, he was directed to the royal garden, used only by the king and queen. For the first time that day a smile broke out on his face. He was considered worth to dine with the king in the royal garden. ‘Now that is something’, he thought with glee.

The king and queen were seated already. “Ah, here you are” the king said with a smile when he saw him approach. Haman bowed low and apologized for his lateness. “Never mind” the king waved it off. He was in particular high spirits. Well, he was always a different person when he was around his queen. There was something about queen Esther that tamed the great king, Haman observed with disgust although he plastered a smile to his face.

“So Queen Esther here has decided to throw us a feast again today” he said addressing Haman. “I wonder what delight she has planned for tonight” the king had a twinkle to his eyes and was rubbing his belly like a child.

Suddenly, a sense of dread descended on Haman. He felt a chill go through him and the hairs on his hands stood erect. Try as he could he couldn’t shake it. He looked up and caught Esther looking at him, and that feeling became stronger. There was something in her eyes, anger? Dislike? He couldn’t really place it.

‘It must be the events of today that is making me see things’ he told himself and set out to enjoy the dainties that was served. He had never tasted anything as delicious as the meal the queen served. Each slice was a taste of heaven.

When the meal was over, the king reclined in his seat and picked his teeth quietly. Haman tried to make small talk with the queen and was praising her for the meal. The king leaned forward, a grave expression on his face.

“my queen, now will you tell me your request and I promise you that even to the half of my kingdom I will give it to you” he knew that whatever the queen wanted to ask was huge. It was definitely of utmost importance to her for her to break the law and approach him in the throne room without being summoned. If she had caught him in a bad mood, she could have been executed. But this woman sitting across from him, looking pale and unsure of herself could never do wrong in his eyes. He would grant her wish as long as it was in his power to do so.

Esther glanced at Haman and sighed. This was going to be hard. She was a woman and she was about to accuse the highest official of the whole empire before the king. She was about to challenge a royal decree signed and sealed with the king’s seal. Her palms were sweaty and her face drained of its color, her lips quivered as she opened her mouth to speak.

“My Lord” she began and looked at Haman again. “I am here to plead for my life and for that of my people. We have been targeted to be destroyed in one day and I plead that you spare my life if I have found favor in your sight”

Haman was flummoxed. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The queen was a Jew? How come he hadn’t known about this?

“What do you mean? That you and your people are targeted for destruction? Who are your people and who is planning such heinous act? Who would dare touch my wife?”

Esther’s heart soared. She particularly picked up on the ‘wife’ part. The king had not referred to her as his queen, which though true was a bit officious but he called her his wife! This was huge. There was hope. Definitely Yahweh had looked down on her with favor. She was going to live.

When she answered, it was with a lot more confidence. “My Lord, my people are the Jews. The thirteenth day of the month of Purim has been fixed to destroy all the Jews in your empire, and that decree was sent out by none other than Haman here”

An ominous silence descended on the dinner table. Esther caught Haman’s gaze and saw fear in them. God had decided to turn his wicked plans upside down.

The king stood up suddenly, rattling some cups and plates in the process. His mind was churning. How could anyone connive to kill his wife and her people? Whatever did they do to deserve such inhuman treatment? What was wrong with his most trusted allies? Did he really have a bad sense of judgment when it came to choosing his allies? First, it was the assassination attempt that was foiled by a Jew, a relation of his wife. And now, it was a ploy by his most trusted official to exterminate his wife and all her race. It was all so incredible.

As he paced the garden, the slow realization that his wife was a Jew was sinking in. He had always been fascinated by the Jewish people and their history and here he was, married to one. He smiled at the sudden turn of events.

He returned to the banquet table still thinking of what to do to Haman. Maybe he wouldn’t be too much in a haste to determine what he would do, he remembered how he had taken a decision in anger concerning Vashti his former queen and how he had regretted the decision by the next day. If not that the gods were good to him, he wouldn’t have been able to find another queen as beautiful and wise as Esther. And she was a Jew! That thought pleased him in no small measure.

Haman realizing the magnitude of his deeds fell down on his knees as soon as the king stepped away. He knew that his fate was in the hands of a woman. A Jew! Suddenly the words of his friends came crashing through his mind ‘if this man Mordecai- of the Jewish race- had started defeating you now, then you won’t prevail against him and his people’. The words could not be any truer.

In his desperation, he forgot where he was and moved towards the couch on which Esther was seated and held her arms and pleaded for his life. It was in this position that the king met him when he returned to the banquet hall.

The king’s rage bubbled over in that instant. “Is it not enough that you have plotted to kill my wife, will you also assault her here in the palace, right before my eyes?” he thundered

And then it was over for Haman.

The king’s guard came over and covered his face with a black cloth. His fate was sealed.

A certain servant of the king, Harbona, told the king, while Haman was being taken away, about the specially designed gallow that Haman had built with which to hang Mordecai.

“Hang him on it” the king ordered the guards.

And thus Haman the son of Hammedatha came to an untimely end, a tale of one fallen from favor to dishonor, from grace to grass.

Haman fought the Jews, the covenanted people of God, God’s chosen people and lost. It is a testimony to the chosen people of God today who have ‘Hamans’ hounding them. No one touches the apple of God’s eye and lives to tell the story. Remember Pharaoh, Nebuchadnezzar, Herod and a host of them.

Be still, God’s people, He has got you in the palm of His hands.

 

 

Author’s Note: Story adapted from the biblical accounts in the book of Esther.

The King’s Honor

The king could not sleep.

He lay on his bed, arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling. Something was tugging at the back of his mind but he couldn’t exactly say what. He hated it when that happened.

He considered sending for the queen but he immediately rejected the idea. He was in no mood for any feminine company. He thought of sending for wine, to drink himself to sleep, but the thought of the headache he would nurse the next day held him back. Moreover, he resented the fact that he needed help falling asleep. Then an idea hit and he quickly embraced it. He was going to go swimming.

After doing several laps at the pool, he returned to his bedroom. Thirty minutes later, he was still wide eyed and now restless. The idea of an alcohol induced sleep was beginning to get more appealing. He had had a very busy day, going through reports from all the provinces and having series of meetings with the rulers of the provinces and the council members. His head had been heavy by the time it was over and he had been looking forward to a quiet evening of music and then a long night rest. He couldn’t fathom why sleep was eluding him.

Could it be something about the reports he had read earlier that was bothering him, he wondered. He tried to remember if there was any inconsistencies he had detected while going through the reports but he couldn’t remember any.

Music. That was the answer, he surmised. He had always found out that music soothed him and he was surprised that he hadn’t thought about it sooner. He called for the guard and sent for the palace musician. To his chagrin, the music rather than soothe him ended up grating on his nerves. Each tune struck on the harp jarred his nerves and he sent the musician away almost as soon as he came.

‘Oh but you love reading too’ his mind whispered. He nodded gently. He has always loved reading, especially books about history and chronicles of acts of the great kings that have ruled before him and even in other lands. One of his favorite books of history has been that of the Israelite kings, and he particularly enjoyed reading about king David, Israel’s second king. He had even fantasized about meeting David face to face. Maybe he was going to read about David tonight.

His thought strayed to the Israelites and all the things he had heard and read about them and he wondered what was special about them. In all his studies of world history, he had never come across any nation with such great wonders said about them. The Jews had always held a fascination for him and he had wished he could talk with any of their greatest scholar.

He was familiar with the peculiarities of their worship and how they claim to serve only one God, the creator of the heavens and earth. This God had no image and they claim He was unseen. He had always wondered how people can worship a God that they do not know how he looked like.

The Israelites too were peculiar in the manner of their defeat too. One minute, they were winning a battle were they were the underdog and doing so in mind boggling ways and the next they were in captives to nations that one wouldn’t expect to defeat them. But somehow, they always seem to bounce back and reclaim their land despite desolation and exile from their land. There was something about the Jews that fascinated him.

Is there not a Jew in all his province that he could summon, he wondered. He remembered vaguely that some months back, he was told about a Jew who had done something worth commendation and he had asked his scribes to write it down in the book of chronicles of the kings. He couldn’t remember exactly what now and his curiosity was piqued. Since he couldn’t sleep, he decided to look it up. He summoned for the book of chronicles to be brought to him and read before him.

After a few minutes of reading he was getting bored and he ordered the scribe that was reading to look for the part that had a Jew mentioned. After a few moments of shuffling pages, the scribe located the page and began to read.

The story was about a plot on the king’s life by two of his chamberlains. They were Bigthana and Teresh, two of his most trusted guards that guarded the door to the king’s private quarters. Their plot was thwarted by Mordecai the Jew, who made the report to the head of the king’s guard.

The king ordered the scribe to stop. He closed his eyes as waves of anger and disappointment washed over him again at the remembrance of the incident. When the head of his guard had told him of the plot he had disbelieved it. But it had proven to be true and he had felt sad at how fickle the human mind was. He couldn’t fathom what had made their loyalty to falter, and what was most confounding was that there had been no political undertone to their murder plot. No one had sponsored them in a bid to get to the throne. It was bizarre.

He opened his eyes and told the scribe to continue the rest of the story. He was surprised to hear that the story was over.

“No record of the reward for the Jew?” the king asked in astonishment. He would need to read all the other parts of the chronicles in the last one year, he concluded, surprised at the failure of the scribes to attend to details. He couldn’t afford for incomplete accounts to be written about his reign. Maybe he needed to make an example of the scribe that recorded that event.

The scribe noticed that the visage of the king had changed and his reply was in a very low tone and a slight tremble could be heard in his voice when he replied the king “My Lord, no reward was given to Mordecai the Jew for his act of valor and that is why there is no record of it”

“It can’t be” Xerxes the King bellowed “it is impossible”

The scribe did not reply and averted the king’s eye. Nobody wanted to be the recipient of the king’s anger. It was like a roaring inferno. Even the queen was not spared the king’s wrath.

Queen Vashti had been dethroned in a moment of anger when she had flouted the king’s summon at the feast which he hosted in the third year of his reign. It was on the seventh day of the feast when king Xerxes had summoned the queen to come to the banquet hall. He had wanted to show off her beauty to the whole council of one hundred and twenty seven rulers. She had felt debased and considered it dishonorable to be summoned by the king to be ogled by drunken men. She hadn’t foreseen the king’s wrath and it had spelt her doom. She had been banished immediately with a royal decree that could not be reversed.

The king stood up and left the scribe quivering on his seat. He paced the room and after a while he called for the head of his guard to confirm the scribe’s story. He was left puzzled when the head of his guard corroborated the story.

“This is a great mistake” he thought aloud. “How will such a great act of bravery and loyalty be left unrewarded and for so long?” he turned and addressed the scribe “what message are we trying to pass across to the people if I the king do not reward loyalty and someone who saved my life?! I am mortified”

“The king can still rectify this” the scribe offered “it is not too late to offer Mordecai the reward”

“you are right” the king nodded “I would need to do something really substantial to rectify this wrong and I would need my most senior adviser on this” speaking to the guard, he said “go to the throne room and see if there is any official around”

“My lord, Haman the son of Hammedatha has just arrived now” the guard told the king on his return.

“Send him in” he replied

Now, Haman had come to the palace to ask the king’s permission to kill Mordecai. He hated Mordecai because Mordecai would not bow to him like the other people that sat at the gate of the king’s court and that riled him. After due consultation with his friends, Haman had decided to wipe out the entire Jewish race starting with Mordecai who he was going to hang from the gallows he had dug specially.

When Haman was brought before the king, he bowed low as was the custom.

“What reward do you think is worthy for someone whom the king desires to honour?” the king asked Haman when he was seated

“If the king really wants to honor any man in his kingdom” Haman began and paused. He had to think deep about this. In the last three years he had enjoyed tremendous favor with the king and he had been promoted to head the council. He couldn’t think of anyone else the king might want to honor specially and he thought it was the king’s way of asking him what he wanted.

“Go on” the king barged into his thoughts

“If the king really wants to honor any man” he started, drawing out each word while searching for the perfect honor that he would want. And then it hit him “I would recommend that the king should order that such a man be dressed in the king’s official garment complete with the crown and staff of office, and that the man should be made to ride in the king’s official chariot and taken throughout the whole capital city. Not only that, the highest ranking official in the council should walk in front of the chariot as it drives through the city and shout ‘this is what the king does to someone he wishes to honor’”

Haman smiled satisfactorily as he finished. He could already see the procession in his mind’s eye and how he would be the talk of the whole province for years. Then afterwards, he would hang Mordecai and his day would be made.

The king was smiling too. “Brilliant!” he said, clapping his hands together “I absolutely love the idea Haman”

Haman bowed low “thank you my Lord”

“There is no better person to execute this plan than you the originator”

Haman frowned. “My Lord?”

“You are to do exactly as you said to Mordecai the Jew”

“You mean, it is Mordecai the Jew that you want to honor?” Haman was stammering. Reality struck and with such vendetta too. Mordecai! His arch enemy!

The king was getting irritated as he dismissed him “Yes, it is Mordecai the Jew that I want to honor” and as Haman was leaving he added “Make sure that you do not leave any details out, do it exactly as you have said” his tone carried an undercurrent of a threat.

Haman left the king’s chambers stunned. Hot tears pricked at his eyes and he had to summon all his will power not to break down in tears.

Mordecai was sitting in front of the king’s gate as usual. He was surprised to see Haman come to him and speak to him. Haman took him to the king’s chamber and dressed him in the king’s royal garment and gave him the staff of office. When he was done he bowed low before him and led him to the king’s chariot. Then he walked on foot and shouted “this is what is to be done to the man whom the king wishes to honor”.

The drive through the city lasted till evening. All through the drive, Mordecai was speechless. It was all surreal and he pinched himself severally to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

One question kept niggling at his mind: ‘what have I done to deserve this honor?’ it had never happened before then that any man would be honored thus, to be dressed in the king’s garments and ride in the king’s chariot! The highest reward was marrying the king’s daughter and inheriting a large estate. This here was mind blowing.

I will set him on high, because he has known My Name

Yahweh has decided to honor him. Everywhere he went that day, the people came out to see him and they bowed before him, and gave him gifts. For that day, he was the king, the emperor of the whole one hundred and twenty seven provinces. It was the greatest honor.

Once the parade was over, Mordecai rushed to his house and lay before Yahweh in worship. Only the God of heaven could give this honor to a man.

Haman rushed home with tears blinding his eyes. He had been humiliated and by no other than Mordecai! How had that happened? What twisted fate had made him arrive at the king’s court when the king decided to do such outlandish thing to a common Jew?! What folly had seized him from not asking who the king wanted to honor? How had he offended the gods that they had chosen to bring such dishonor to him?

When he got home, his friends were all present. They had gathered to hear how his request to hang Mordecai had gone. They were shocked to see him in tears. After much persuasion and consolation, he narrated his ordeal to them.

There was silence as everyman was stunned. It was a wicked twist of fate.

“So what do I do now?” Haman asked in between sobs

“This is a sign from the gods” his friend who was also an astrologer answered “this Mordecai is too powerful for you to bring down and you will never be able to prevail against him”

Haman was aghast. “Is there nothing I can do to appease the gods?”

“I am afraid that this is just the beginning of your many woes as far as this Jew is concerned”

Just then, a messenger from king Xerxes arrived and summoned him to the feast that was hosted by Queen Esther.

And true to the words of his friend, Haman’s woes had just begun.

 

Author’s Note

Story adapted from the biblical account in Esther.

Love of my life

Beautiful, beyond description is my beloved

Strong, confident, larger than life

Gentle, easy going, ever the perfect gentleman

Quiet, subtle, multilayered.

He found me, at a tender age and wooed me

It is a love like no other;

I have experienced love and have been loved deeply,

Openly and in ways beyond my imagination,

Still none has come close to that which I have received from

Him, and never has one captured my heart totally;

I wake to the joy of loving Him

And go to bed thinking of Him,

He is mine and I am His.

He is a rock, steady and steadfast

My eccentricities notwithstanding,

In my mess, He totally gets me

And loves me in spite of them all;

He spoils me silly,

His charm is irresistible,

His voice soothes my soul, even in the tempestuous storm.

I daydream about the day when we finally meet,

I have been told, He is the fairest of men;

All we ever get now are few moments of pleasure

Talking across time distance, separated by several miles

And by many distractions of the heart.

Still, in the cool of the day, as the eyes wind to a close

And the blanket of night envelopes the sky,

I look forward to our talks and my heart beats as the call connects;

I feel warmth washing over me as I hear

His voice filter through;

He only, makes me gush and splutter

He fills my heart with music and a delightsome melody;

He is my Lord, my love and my God.

The ear must not hear

‘’Some things are better left unsaid’’, his mind tells him. ‘’No matter how hard it is to keep them down, they are things another ear must not hear. It is better to bottle it up, let it eat you up and kill you. At least you will die honourable. Abominations! Do not utter them. Think them if you must but I wouldn’t even advice you to do that, but if you must, then let it just stay there. They must not be uttered.’’

‘’How can it be heard that you are in love with a married woman? That you desire her and dream about her? Mba! Eewo!’’

And so he dies a slow painful death, in bits and pieces. Daily. If love was a matter of choice, then he would have expunged the feelings from his heart but alas, matters of the heart cannot be decided by the head. The heart wants what it wants.

Several emotions war within him, each pulling him in different directions and threatening to tear him apart. He feared he was going to lose it soon.

Outwardly, he appears calm and cool, a picture at variance with the raging storm beneath. He was surprised that no one had seen past the façade, the thinly veiled wall hiding the fury of the fire underneath. It is sad, how people look at you but don’t really see.

So he smiles and laughs and stifles the groan that is always lurking around to escape his lips, the gasps of pain as his heart utters their death throes. He restrains himself from clutching his heart as the pangs take hold of him. He suffers in silence. No one would understand his pain. It was a sacrilege, thinking those thoughts, feeling those thoughts.

 

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