This is a topic that is dear to my heart. I remember many years back, as a teenager, on the cusp of adulthood, praying to God to help me keep myself pure till marriage. It was something I really wanted. I grew up with a strong sense of maintaining sexual purity – my body was the temple of the Holy Spirit; I had heard so often.

It was a prayer that God did not answer.

Few months back, Frances Okoro contacted me to contribute to her blog series titled “chastity for men” and I balked. I had nothing to say about chastity for men, or so I thought.

Several days following our exchange, I was down, as old wounds were re-opened. The memories that I had tried to bury and drown rushed to the surface, and like a tempest, they threatened to take me under. I rued the opportunity lost to be an example of sexual purity, especially in this age where the concept seemed to be a thing of ridicule rather than something to be proud of.

I had fantasized about this moment – where I would stand and declare my victory over the spirit of the age, the spirit of premarital sex that has derailed so many – but when it finally came, I couldn’t grab it.

Several weeks passed and Frances beeped me again; the blog series had morphed into a book. She sent me a copy and asked me to review it.

The book opened with an introductory chapter – Frances’ story. I read it with awe. She laid herself bare, not holding anything back. I was blown away.

It is a story of grace, of hope and of redemption.

“We fall down, but we get up” Donnie McClurkin sang. Saints are sinners that have fallen (severally) but who make the choice to get up (every time).

Our testimonies are not sullied by our past mistakes, rather, they shine brighter. Reading her story, I realized that it is not those who have not fallen alone that can be beacons but those who have once wallowed in the mire, sunk in the depths and have now overcome.

Her victory is a daily one and she wears it like a crown.

The book contains stories of men who have fought and continue to fight the war of sexual purity. They do not let the rave of popularized culture of sex, sexuality and sensuality sway them. They are unpopular, ridiculed, uncelebrated by the world and its systems, ideals and philosophies.

But in this book, they are celebrated and they are the heroes. They are people who love God, who love life and have decided to do the unconventional – to stand for God and for sexual purity. They say “it is possible to remain chaste in a world ruled by sex and sexuality. It is possible to please God and be pure”

The book is for those who are under the pressure to lose their values, and who feel alone. It is for those who are weighed down by the desires of their flesh and the fire burning in their loins; those facing the scorn and ridicule of friends, the taunting of partners, and the shame of being unpopular.

It is for those struggling with guilt and shame of having lost something precious. Those who have given up and go with the flow because they do not see the need to fight anymore. Those who have engaged in all forms of sexual impurities. The book says “there is hope, you can turn around, and still regain all that you have lost. You are worth more than your mistakes, they do not define you. It is the choices you make from now on that matters the most”

The book is for young and old, the unmarried and the married. The message cuts across age, race and gender.

The title is deceptive. It reads “Chastity for men” but really it is for women too. I recommend it for all. It is for knowledge, instruction, learning and for those who would love to mentor the next generation.

The good news? It is free!

Click here to get your copy.

Thank you Frances for letting me be part of this…getting godly men to stand for sexual purity!


I remember a time when my house was your haven

The colors soothed your mood;

There the harsh glare of the sun was shut out

And the cloak of your machismo was shed;

There, you could be vulnerable

And comfortable.

I watched the soft rise and fall

Of your bosom many a time

And read your dreams –

Dreams of bliss riding on contented sighs;

You knew that I knew –

I was the man of your dreams

Watching you whilst you dreamt of me.

I remember a time when I was your safety net

The one you trusted

Trust – hard worn

Proven over time

Kilned in the oven.

I remember –

In the middle of the most mundane task –

How happy I was.



Beauty-is-not-flowless-It-Shines Your flaws do not disfigure you, it adds beauty and uniqueness to the work of art that is you. They are those characteristics about you that set you apart from the rest. flaw Your flaws do not disqualify you, it prepares you to the tasks set out for you. Flaws attracts grace. “For the weaker vessels are bestowed much glory” images Your flaws are like threads intricately woven into the quilt of your life, delicate patterns of beauty and glory; you can’t and shouldn’t run away from them, you should acknowledge them, and allow the maker to use them to suit His purpose. You are created for a purpose and everything you will ever do and everything able you works according to divinely orchestrated plan for His praise and glory. Your flaws are tools in the hands of the master. imagesDLBB2D1C Stop focusing on your flaws, stop allowing them to make you feel less and unworthy, don’t let them make you think less of yourself, avoid the low self-esteem. You can do great in spite of your flaws, you can achieve heights unimaginable. Your flaws are not and should not be drawbacks or hindrances. They are meant to be stepping stones, and that is how you should view them. Whatever dream and aspirations you have, don’t jettison them because you feel incapable or unworthy, run with it. You can achieve them all. images067I9MT0 Never listen to that negative voice that tell you “You think you can do that?” “Are you worthy of this?” “Are you fit or qualified to take this on?” The answer is yes to all of them. Do not think those thoughts, and if they come, pay them no heed. No, do the opposite. Prove them wrong. images6H6W2D99 It’s going to be hard, you are basically fighting against yourself, and that is the toughest war to fight! You are your own worst enemy and unless and until you fight and win against that enemy within, you won’t be able to succeed and move forward. imagesX72EUKK2 Nobody can make you feel bad if you don’t already feel bad or have doubts about yourself. In fact most times what people say or do to us that gets to us are those things we believe deep down or those we have doubts about. Thus when they say those words, they are saying aloud the thoughts we have been thinking and struggling with. imagesS7V58QL2 Thus, the change starts from within. In the mind, our thoughts, our self-appraisal and self-worth. It’s time to start looking inwards and to start working on our thoughts and our perception about ourselves.    

Images courtesy Google

The Visitor

It was the creaking of the door that woke me. My room is dark but moonlight streaks in through the open window, and I see a shadow move towards me. I am not afraid, I know who it is. In fact, I have been half expecting him.

This is his third time of coming into my room, and it is always at the same time. I have been thinking about tonight for a while now; what my response would be. But now that he is here, I still don’t know what to do.

The last time he came to my room, he said that he loved me. I know what it is – empty words deployed as a weapon to weaken my defenses. I am not new to the tactic, in fact, it is the modus operandi of men whenever they wanted to get you to sleep with them.

It was what Sule had said on that day on the farm as he convinced me to have sex with him.

“Rashidat, I love you very much” he had said, as he crushed my body to his, and holding me tightly against him “I will take care of you. I don’t have much but I will spend my every penny on you to make you happy”

It was the sweetest words anyone had ever spoken to me, and my young heart had lapped it all up, and held on to it tightly. I repeated it over and over in my head as wave after wave of pain washed over me as he took me on the hard earth under the baobab tree.

I am wiser now and my uncle’s profession of love is not the reason I am considering sleeping with him tonight. The truth is, I am in love with him.

Night Lights

I am your knight

I have no armor though;

In the night,

When the lamps burn low

I will be your light;

When you lie down by the meadow,

I will be there, never out of sight

Glowing softly, guarding you;

When the cold winds blow,

My heat will wrap around you tight

Like a warm blanket;

When you open your eyes,

From dreams that give you fright,

I will be there to rock you, and sing to you

Lullabies of a brave knight riding a white

Horse and driving away the evil hordes;

When you cower in fear at the towering height

I will be there to hold your hand

And help you as you climb;

When you are sad, and mulling your plight

I will show you the strength within you

And the power hidden inside your core;

I am your knight

I wear no armor

Perhaps, that is why you do not see me.